From the heart

You don’t know me, you may think you do but you really don’t. There’s a story behind my smile no one will ever understand.
My life is like a roller coaster, I can get low and start to say “nothing will get better”, I can get high and start to think that nothing can bring me down.

We live in a crazy foolish world full of fake people; everyone judges each other by how they look how they act and treat each other based on reputations. They tell you to be yourself but then they judge you.

My life isn’t perfect and I bet yours isn’t either, I screw things up and mess everything and in some cases I don’t know how to solve it. I made mistakes in my past like anyone would and some were unforgettable but don’t you dare judge me by my past because I don’t live there anymore.
It’s getting harder every day and I’m slowly losing it, I can’t keep acting like everything’s alright when in reality it’s not. I’ve been dealing with bullshit every day; I’ve been treated like crap and I’m sick of it. So don’t you ever think that you can just walk over me and get away with it. Today I’m speaking my mind.

I cry myself to sleep and end up waking up with a smile, weird isn’t it? My flaws are the reason behind my smile; I fall asleep insecure and wake up confident. I have problems and crazy issues and some are just too messed up but I’m not alone. Yah, school is hell something we all agree on, but why do we wake up every morning and go? To make a difference, you’re supposed to get passed it all, deal with it or take it all back.

I’m not afraid to walk this world alone, I’ve been too long on my own and I guess because of it I stopped expecting miracles to happen. It’s hard to be the one always waiting, the one always forgiving; The people closest to me said I was the strongest person they have ever met sometimes I believed and the other times I didn’t.
I remind myself every day that every sixty seconds I stay upset is a minute of happiness I’ll never get back, I had to cry out all my tears to make room for a heart full of smiles, whatever my past has been I’m going to have a spotless future.

I wouldn’t say I’m comfortable I’d say I’m used to all the trouble and frustration, when something happens I just get paralyzed, I don’t do or say anything. I wait for the moment to pass and I just deal with it.
I can make the same mistakes over and over again without realizing it I can do what I want and I’ll want to do it because most of you said I couldn’t. It took me a while to realize that everything happens for a reason, and the reasons might not be easy to trespass but it’s for your benefit “What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Right!

No one should go through anything alone so I wish to all you comfort in difficult days, smile when sadness strikes, have faith so you believe, courage to know yourself, hugs when loneliness intrudes, kisses when you don’t feel worthy, patience to accept the truth, beauty for your eyes to see, brains for the achievements, confidence for when in doubt, friendship to brighten your days, a bond that can never be broken and love to complete your life.

A Lot About Me You Don't Know.

     Is it working? Is my smile fooling you all? Because I could never feel more hurt, one small problem and I just break down, every sadness ever feeling ever tear I kept locked inside of me just erupted. Until you’ve lived my life, until you’ve walked my path and been in my shoes and felt my feelings don’t even try to judge me, you don’t know what the fuck I’ve been through.

     I held up my reputation as the strong one who’s crazy and hyper most of the time, but no one knows how sensitive I am if you looked me in the eyes you’d see my sorrow. I hide behind a tear of a clown because I don’t want people to take me for granted, no one wants to be known as “ the sad girl “, I know I don’t; when  your weak they pity you, when your strong they don’t ask about your feelings.

     I’m not cocky I’m independent, I’m not rude I’m honest, I’m not fearless I’m brave, I don’t give up because I’m a survivor, call me short but I’m higher than your standards. I’m stuck in my own ways and I don’t take crap from anyone. I don’t listen I do, I’m not a follower I’m a leader. Stay on my good side and I promise you won’t be able to live without me.

     I have a loving heart, a thoughtful brain and a free soul. I’ve been told that I was unique and unforgettable and that was hard to believe, I’m not here to please anyone so feel free to judge me, I’m the kind of person who gives amazing advices but is a mess inside. This is me, I won’t kill myself to impress anyone you either love me or hate me it’s as simple as that. I keep it real while the rest stay plastic, I am who I am you either stay in my life or you walk out.

All The Troubled Souls

     Have you ever felt empty and incomplete? Surrounded by people and you can never feel more lonely, you’re looking for something not knowing what it is or where to find it. Every day you cry yourself to sleep wondering why it happens to you, all the trouble and drama have their ways of catching you and you can’t seem to run away.

     Your insecure about everything, you never feel worthy of anything because everything you’ve ever fought for in life failed you or disappeared and that’s the reason why you became unfaithful. You stopped trying because you think all you do is mess things up, you want to leave but in reality it’s never over.

     You have a sick feeling of being mocked all the time, you don’t fit in as much as you want to, and you never surrounded yourself with the popular cliques, yet you don’t hang out with the renegades, you sit with a couple friends but feeling unwanted isn’t so pleasant. So would you rather be a friendless loser or have a bunch of friends who secretly hate you?

     Don’t let the self-loathing keep you from being happy but that doesn’t mean you won’t struggle. You can be very vulnerable at times and emotionally unpredictable at most. Lost in your own private world wondering if anyone will notice when you’re gone.

Forget about all the sadness and frustration, smile because whether you believe it or not people need you, someone loves you, and I can’t get you out of my head.